A dilemma

How do you make a decision like this?

It makes logistical sense to move in with LC in the next few months. He's moving down here to take a police cadet job with the MBPD (thanks Dad!) until he turns 21. Then he'll hopefully be hired as a full-time law enforcement officer & we'll get married the September after his 21st birthday - that's when I wanted to move in with him.
I don't believe in living with someone before marriage, and I hold strongly to that. However, I need to get out of this house. I mean, when I say need, I mean NEED. Need is not a strong enough word to convey JUST how much I need to get out of this house. My brother is violent, physically emotionally & mentally abusive, and I often recieve the brunt of his attitude. In the past few days, we've gotten into about five hugely awful arguments/fights, and I just can't take it anymore. I can't afford to get my own place - I have two very part-time jobs and am constantly searching for a full-time job or even another part-time job that pays better. School is completely out of the question right now - our financial situation is basically nonexistant at the moment, and bills just keep piling up. $400/month for a studio apartment by myself is laughable at this point.

So. It makes logistical AND healthful sense to get a small place with LC when he moves down here. We've been looking at different places and have found a few that are affordable and nice, and it seems like it might happen. But my heart is hurting over it. I just don't want to have a home with LC until we're officially an "us." I feel like making a home with someone is sacred & should be saved for husband & wife. I've made mistakes & didn't save myself for marriage - and believe me, if I could take it back, I would - and I feel like waiting to move in with LC is sort of a substitute for it. But then there's the problem with my brother. It's all a kind of never-ending circle: brother's behavior is unacceptable and I don't feel safe, so I need to move out; I can't afford my own place so I'll move in with LC; I don't feel right moving in with LC until marriage; we're not getting married til 2011 so I guess I'll have to wait. BUT - brother's behavior is unacceptable...and it begins again. I just don't know what to do.

meanwhile, in happier news, I start training for my new job tomorrow! I'm so excited! it's a very part-time weekend position, doing check-ins and front desk work for a timeshare in northern Myrtle Beach. I'm always looking for full-time work & will be applying for a substitute teacher as soon as a position is available in the school system. And wedding planning is slow, but constant - we've just about finished our registries, and I'm almost positive that I've found my wedding dress :-) for now, I'm going to get back to mine & Dad's NCIS marathon. the cable is out, so I brought my DVD player into the living room (the actual living room player is making the disks skip) and we're hunkered down enjoying some serious naval criminal solving.

have a fantastic week!

happy employment news!

hello all!

I really want to become more regular about posting - but I can never think of anything interesting enough to blog about. my life as of now is pretty boring...I'm slowly starting to plan for the wedding. oh! and I got a new job! it's a weekend reservationist position at Sands Ocean Club Timeshare (I think? it has a long name) so I'm VERY happy about that! I'm debating applying to be a substitute teacher for Horry County schools. I think it would be really fun, and a great way to be in the classroom without having to have my degree. it could also be a really good way to get some different homeschool ideas - even though it's a long way off :-)

alright, that's all I can come up with for today. do you have any ideas to help me blog more regularly?

have a great weekend!